I’ve been crying a lot these days. Not because I was hurt but because I was simply sad.

The moment Shion was shot to death in front of Nezumi, the moment Nezumi crawled himself towards Shion’s dead body and the moment he sang the Eryulias or Elyurias’ lullaby, I cried.

The moment P’Nam started singing a sad song to her friends who isolated her, the moment P’Nam confessed to P’Shone only to find out that he’s already taken and the moment P’Shone revealed his true feelings when he looked at his diary which was full of P’Nam’s photos EVEN when she still had bug face, I cried.

The moment Jenny screamed at her producer which I’ve forgotten his name because she was defending an ugly looking guy who stalked her, the moment Jenny started neglecting her old Alzheimer father and the moment she confessed to the whole world about her plastic surgery and her original self, I cried.

And now, the moment I found out my brother flunked again for his first block because he missed us and he felt neglected and alone, I cried.

I want to call him, but I think he’s still asleep.

All that aside, I’m having my mid sem break! I think it’s a mid sem break but it could also be a Christmas holiday which extends to a week. I’m not sure but it’s most likely the mid sem break because I looked at my course schedule and I noticed I won’t be getting such a long holiday after this one. Anyway, I was planning to use this holiday to finish all my delayed commissions and requests but it seemed that I need to put all those aside for a while. The reason is that I’m gonna have my test 1 after the holidays, so instead of doing those plans, I need to revise for the test. I would’ve just gone with the plan if only my course subjects aren’t hard but they are, so I gotta concentrate on those. It’s pretty frustrating cause I’ve been delaying my commissions and requests for quite some time now and I recalled a request with a “the-end-of-this-year” deadline and this year’s gonna end in about five or six days. I mean, I can finish the request in six days but that means I have to completely neglect my studies and that’s not good. I think I’ll need to apologize to the requester and cancel it but I’m too scared to do that cause she’s been so nice to me and she even gave me a present by drawing my Shadow Hearts’ OC. I have to finish the request somehow. Do you think it’s better if I half-assed my work rather than not doing it at all? I mean, of course I’ll try to turn the work into something as beautiful as I could but I really have no other option anymore. This is what happens when you’re not in the mood to draw. Yes, I have my moments too, you know.

Ever since Emil took back the tablet yesterday, my drawing time will be as hard as before. I need to resort to my old fashioned way; sketch, ink, scan, clean up, color and lastly touch up. I don’t know whether I should call it my tablet or his tablet. He did provide me the tablet but he also said it’s mine as long as I carry it. He said it’s mine. But ever since I gave it to him, I have this feeling that I no longer owe him which is a good feeling but whenever I think of the methods I’ll have to use after losing the tablet, I feel kinda pissed off at him. I mean, sure, the tablet’s not technically mine but I’ve been using it for the past 7 months or so, so parting with it is not an easy thing to do for me. It’s like giving up my copic markers that I’ve never had. It’s really disappointing considering that 50% of my work was made easy when I still had the tablet and now I’ll need to do it the long processed way again. But having it returned back made me feel so lighter. In the end, the feelings kind of balanced up and now I feel neutral about it. I’m so gonna save a lot of money to buy a better tablet in the future.

Speaking of which, after I end my course in another three months if I’m not mistaken, I’m gonna find a job and save up all my money to buy a tablet and stuff for cosplay. Remember I wanted to cosplay as Karin Koenig last year? Well, that didn’t happen due to lack of time and money but I’m gonna change all that next year. Next year, insyaAllah, I will cosplay. I WILL. HERPDERP.

I need to study. OTL

Today was crappy.

I woke up at 9 a.m. when I originally intended to do so at 7. I wanted to actually study for Physics by doing the third tutorial but I ended up sleeping on my bed early. At last, I just copied Ano’s answers and when Mumtaz told me she was proud of me for finishing the tutorial, I felt so disappointed at myself. I slept during Physics lecture about Kirchhoff’s Rules which was one of the hard topics my lecturer warned of. I got my Physics’ quiz results and it was only 3.5 out of 10. I’m usually cool with that but since Mumtaz got way higher than mine, I felt pretty inferior. Our assignment which was a pair work of me and Mumtaz, only received 9 out 15 and I felt like all the mistakes in it were made by me.

I also had to go out to the front a lot of times recently. Like, during the UiTM Got Talent audition and also yesterday’s English presentation. Today, I was supposed to answer one of the Physics’ tutorial questions but I couldn’t, so I didn’t go to the front. That also made me feel stupid cause it was just an easy question when I realized it.

After going to CF the other day, I can’t help feeling like I belonged to that world. I wanted to be a part of them, to be able to get involved in it. Now I’m starting to doubt what I’m doing; whether I’m really cut out to finish my science foundation or not. It’s not something I’m really interested in, if you ask me, honestly. I looked at the people in CF and I thought, “This is what I want to be; to be free.” I know it sounds ludicrous and out of the question but it’s just something I’m really looking forward to. I noticed I’m not doing really well in my studies at the moment and it kinda made me feel a bit scared. Test 1 will be in two weeks and I realized I’m not gaining much. It’s really all too hazy for me.

[This was written yesterday (18/12) but it extended to today (19/12) due to some breaks like eating pastry with Alya, watching Card Captor Sakura, browsing for some delicious Ao No Exorcist's pictures and editing photos taken during Comic Fiesta]

I wanted to write this entry earlier; right after I got home from CF. I even forced myself to write it despite the exhaustion. In the end, I couldn't because by the time I finished taking my bath and doing my prayer, I was too fagged to think about anything.

So here goes. Now that I've refreshed from yesterday's oh so hectic day, I'm all fired up to talk about EVERYTHING. :D

"This year's CF was frustrating but exciting at the same time."

So, our original plan was to do this:

1)      Take U90 bus that goes to UiTM Shah Alam.

2)      Take U80 bus that goes to KL Sentral.

3)      Take LRT that goes directly to KLCC.

4)      Voila! CF TIME!

However, Piqah had a slight change of plan which was:

1)      Take whichever bus that goes to UiTM Puncak Perdana.

2)      Unite with Piqah and her UiTM friend that I don't know of there.

3)      Goes to Taman Jaya with Piqah's brother's car.

4)      Take LRT that goes directly to KLCC.

5)      Voila! CF EFFING TIME!

But…

NOTHING LIKE THAT HAPPENED. D:

Okay. I haven't told you my initial plan for the entire day yet.

_________________________________________________________________________________

7.00 a.m. - Take morning bus to Puncak Perdana. Unite with Piqah and her friend. Go to KLCC by Piqah's car.

10.00 a.m. - Enter CF. Major fangirl. Watch opening ceremony and loiter around the hall to look for anything I wanna buy.

11.30 a.m. - Eat lunch. Yes, it's early but that's the only time we could.

12.30 p.m. - Watch Group Cosplay.

1.30 p.m. - Zohor prayer. Go to Kinokuniya to look at some manga and probably buy one.

3.00 p.m. - Get Keith's and Zint's autograph! xD

4.00 p.m. - HOMAIGAWD MUST WATCH OTP COSPLAYYYY

4.45 p.m. - Asar prayer. Ready to say goodbye to CF2011. :'(

7.30 p.m. – Arrive at Puncak Alam.

__________________________________________________________________________________

And what happened afterwards was wayyy different than what I planned.

So me and Syesye woke up at 6 and we quickly got ready for everything. Around 7.15 a.m.., we were already at the bus stop waiting for T600 bus because I thought that bus was supposed to take us directly to Puncak Perdana. The first bus that arrived was actually U90 and if we knew that was the bus we had to take, even to Puncak Perdana, we would have gotten on it immediately.

BUT NO!

We didn't. Instead, we let the bus went away, leaving us both waiting on the bench. By the time T600 came which was already 8.00 o'clock, we asked the bus driver and he said we needed to take U90. I was so in rage. I was actually mad at myself and at some point, I panicked and thought of renting a car which costs about RM80. I was almost in tears. I mean, who the fuck wouldn't when something was right in front of their eyes and they just let it go? I could feel that Syesye was disappointed and that made me feel like shit. In fact, everything that happened yesterday seemed to be my fault. I called Piqah and told her about it and she said she would go first since her brother can't wait for long. So in the end, we used the original plan and took U90, U80 and LRT to get there. We couldn't spot a single cosplayer in the LRT. ;A;

When we got there, it was already 11.15 a.m. and the opening ceremony started. We were still outside and I met Iman there. She was random as ever but she looked really pretty. She brought along two friends but they were all more like classmates and they were all official CF photographers (Meaning they had staff pass and can enter CF easily, PSHHH). They wanted to have lunch together but that didn't happen. I couldn't find Naz because CF was too crowded. She called me many times but I really couldn't find her (she has a very small physique anyway). Gosh, the ticket queue was so fucking long. It's like the longest queue I've ever seen in my whole life. I did tell Piqah to buy me the tickets first, so we didn't really care about the line. I called Piqah and she said she was already at the centre of CF and it was quite impossible to get out with all those people crowding in. She did get out after all; only to find out that she had to line up back to get inside. O_O She couldn't get in even after she showed her ticket! So we left the place for a while and I suggested we have lunch before going in. At McDonald's, I met Aqil; this one Deviant Art friend I'm really close to. This is him in DA. I thought we'd start off awkward since we've never really met IRL but he's actually very friendly… and so friggin' tall. I introduced my friends and he introduced his; Raja and another guy who I can't seem to remember his name. We ordered take aways and headed straight to one of the entrance of CF.

Unfortunately, a guard stopped us at the entrance. He said that that was the exit. Exit, my ass. We didn't want to waste any time so me and Syesye finished our lunch and we looked for the main entrance and it was so crowded. So very crowded. But we cramped ourselves inside and it was just a few more centimetres to the entrance until they closed the door. YES, THEY CLOSED IT.

See, what happened was that, they only opened the door at intervals of time and when they did, they only let a small group of people to enter before they close it again.

Everyone was so pissed off; someone actually shouted, "Fuck you! Open the door!" and the guard replied, "This is our job! Please consider your safety!" I saw someone pointed a middle finger to the guards too. I mean, I was pretty devastated with the situation but poor those guards cause it wasn't their fault (well, maybe a little). Anyway, we did enter the place at some point and I thought we'd be able to start browsing through CF but no, mate. The place that we entered was Hall 4 which was the ticket hall. And there was another fucking intestine-like line inside. And so, we waited again.

Everybody started sitting down after half an hour of standing. Piqah even lie down on the floor and she was the only one doing that. The rest of us chatted among ourselves and I felt like shit again. Because of me, Piqah had to get out of CF to give me the tickets. She was looking forward to finish up her side quest too but Piqah reassured me that it was alright and we hugged a lot. This was when I talked to Aqil a lot too and he was such a nice guy. He had a feminine kind of voice though, lol. He reminded me a lot of Azimee, a junior at my high school, only Azimee's a bit shorter. I can't really tell which one is cuter. I mean, Azimee is cute in a way that he wears these big glasses and always stays introvert IRL (He trolls in the net) and that makes him look like a shy boy while Aqil is this tall cute guy and he wears a hoodie shirt and I kinda have this thing for guys with hoodie shirt and he's like really funny. Uhh… Okay, they're both 16 and I feel like a paedophile now. Back to the story, the people who sell the tickets actually announced that tickets were sold out. That's pretty fucked up considering all the people who waited for so long, most of them probably came from far away. It was very frustrating.

Around 2.30 p.m., all of us became closer to the door that led to Hall 5; the CF hall. You can look a map of this below:

It was getting real packed the closer we got at the door; the door's like a locker's size. By the time I got out, the rest of my friends were still stuck and I had to wait for a while since they still did the open-close-door-at-intervals thing. When everyone united, we happily jogged (okay, we were just walking) to the CF hall and the fun began.

OMG! Nezumi and Shion from no. 6!!! ^///^

O//A//O I so want this figurine. I saw this on the net once but it was right in front of my eyes, like physically there, man...

This is one of the artwork showcased there! Syesye bought an A3 print of it for like RM10 only! O__O

Ahh, stupid hand phone camera. Why focus on far away objects and not the near ones? >A<"

I mostly took pictures of ball-jointed dolls (BJD) cause they were so beautiful. I wanted to take pictures of the booths but I knew we actually couldn't unless we asked for permission which was what I'm too lazy to do at that moment. But I do have a map of how the booths were arranged:

And we spent about 3 hours fan girling our ass off inside. We actually got separated though; me with Syesye, Piqah with her friend and Aqil with his friends. Around 3 something if I'm not mistaken, Aqil's party texted me and told me they were ready to go home. By then, I was just exploring half of the right-side (refer to map) booths! I started off with the right side and then the left side, by the way.

I missed out on most of the performances and I definitely missed out on the Gempak Starz autograph session and the OTP Cosplay. I was too busy looking at the other off-stage cosplayers and the merchandises sold at the booths! Everything was just too eye-catching! It was really fun though and the OTP Cosplay featured OTPs that I'm not really accustomed with, so it wasn't much of a loss. I bought so much stuff! But I'm gonna show them after I finish typing about CF day. :P I saw a Phoenix Wright doujin and I spotted Italy as one of the witnesses in its story! I regretted not buying that though. :/

Around 6, we left the event with some regrets but we didn't want to think much about it. It was fun and that was all that mattered. Before we exited though, I actually asked Syesye," Are you sure we've covered everything for this year's CF? I don't wanna queue again to get back inside." But she said it was already too late and yes, we had. And so, CF ended for us.

BUT WAIT!

This is not the end of my story telling! D:< We still have our journey home and a couple of other stuff!

After walking out of CF, we completed our prayers and headed to Kinokuniya. Alya ordered a volume of Kuroshitsuji and a volume of Ao No Exorcist but I wanted to buy a manga too, so we just had to go to Kinokuniya. There, we talked to the customer service cause Alya had reserved her mangas. I actually said "Kuroshitsuji and Ao No Exorcist," to the CS and she was like, "Uhh, sorry, what was that again?" and I corrected myself, "I mean, Black Butler and Blue Exorcist." I forgot that not everyone dig anime/manga. Pfft. xD

I wanted to buy this one thick volume of Card Captor Sakura but it wasn't the first volume and it costs around RM80, so I had to drop the thought. And then I saw High School of the Dead 4 and that was the only thing I needed. I also bought Zint's "User", second volume because I already have the first one. Zint's a local mangaka in my country and his drawings are so cool! I wanted his autograph… ;___; Syesye bought a Vampire Knight fan book and after reading it, she said it was worth it. Good for her. :)

After Kinokuniya, we went to the LRT to go home. Again, there weren't any cosplayers around, so it was disappointing. Piqah texted me, saying she had already went home and asked where we were at that time. She was sad that we couldn't meet after the event and I felt horrible. I didn't even make up for all the troubles I caused her. ;A; When we reached KL Sentral, we waited for U80 at the usual bus stop when suddenly this guy approached us.

Random Guy: Um, are you guys from UiTM?

Us: Yeah? Why?

Random Guy: Are you taking U80?

Us: Yup, are you from UiTM too? Which one?

Random Guy: Yeah, UiTM Shah Alam.

Us: Oh, yeah, U80's gonna take you there.

Random Guy: Does it stops here?

Us: Usually, yeah.

And then a U80 bus came but it didn't stop at the bus stop we were at. Instead, it went straight to the other direction and all three of us, including the random guy, ran after it like we're in some shounen manga.

But we didn't make it and I cursed like hell.

Around 7 something, another U80 came and we squeezed in. We didn't get any seats so we just stood on the bus, swaying whenever the bus made a turn. Our feet started to feel like crap because we've been walking and running and standing all day! U90 bus was next and this time we sat down. We arrived at Puncak Alam by 10-ish and Syesye was so exhausted. She went straight home but I made a detour. I watched the UiTM Got Talent preliminaries and I was so shocked to find out that Amir was actually selected. I didn't know the name of his band, so when I saw his seemingly disappointed face after the audition, I thought he didn't make it. What was worse, he got first place for the preliminaries.

For the last time, I felt like shit.

Later, I headed home, took shower and looked at my stuff that I bought at CF. That made me happy again.

So! End of story!

Now, it's time to show you my stuff! :D

This is the non-edited picture of everything.

And this is the edited one. :D

Below are close ups:

This is how I put the key chains and stuff on my bag/pencil case!

Nice, huh? I'm gonna treasure them for the rest of my life! And that's all about CF.

Oh, you thought I'm out of words already?

You're wrong! I still have just one thing to say.

Latest chapter of Kuroshitsuji was A.W.E.S.O.M.E. Sebastian, Y U SO BADASS?

Yeah, that's all.

So anyways, it’s gonna be a short post since I’m not feeling very well. I’m actually having flu and a slight cough. I hope it won’t get worse though because I kinda need my health to its fullest by this Saturday. It’s gonna be one heck of a Saturday.

So first of all, last weekend was Naziera’s and Razleen’s birthday. So, Evani, Samir and I were planning to make a surprise thingy. So what happened was that, Samir and Evani picked me up that day at about 10 a.m. and we went to get our cake at Secret Recipe. It was a chocolate cake and damn, it was so delicious. Anyway, right after that, we picked up Razleen and Naziera. We started off the day with karaoke at Red Box and it was a blast. The surprise thing happened when we were singing Bieber’s song “Never Say Never”. The screen suddenly changed into a big “Happy Birthday” wish and we sang that happy birthday song to both of them. They didn’t suspect anything, so it was a definite success.

We sang for about 3 hours and after that we had lunch at Wendy’s. Later, we played some games at the arcade and there was this Chinese couple who kept on playing DDR in a non-stop mode, so that kinda pissed me off. At around 5, we watched “The Muppets” and Barney from HIMYM was there. When the movie ended, it was already 7, so we headed straight back home.

Secondly, I dissected a nezumi last Tuesday! It was so cute… and white. And bloody. Haha. But yeah, I did the same thing I did during high school; I just cut the skin and the muscle layers. I wanted to handle the internal organs too but I didn’t want to dominate the whole experiment. In the end, a girl named Nabilah handled them. Mumtaz took part too. We were supposed to observe its respiratory organs but all of us were interested with the other organs too. The male group actually slaughtered the mouse, saying they wanted to see the brain. And they also stretched the small intestine and took a picture of it. Nice.

Thirdly, my university is making a competition that has something to do with singing. It’s called “UITM Got Talent”, which was pretty much the same competition I took part in during high school with Maya. xD But this time around, I’m doing a solo performance, so I don’t know what to expect. What’s worse, I’m having this damned flu and cough, so I’m not sure if I could pull it off. I’m still entering though, cause they give out RM200 for the first place. Well, I’m not aiming for that but the second place was RM150. Well, I’m actually aiming for the third price; RM100. Okay, maybe I wanted the RM200 but if I could get RM100, that should be okay too. But if I actually lose, then it’d be a waste of RM5 for the registration cost. But oh well, at least I could get a coupon. What should I sing anyway?

Fourthly, this Saturday. Yes. It’s CF day. I’m supposed to have classes that day but I’m skipping them. I know it’s bad but I am really looking forward to CF. COME ON, GIMME A BREAK PEOPLE! D:< I promise it’d be the last time I hang out until Test 1. You have to understand; this is CF we’re talking about. It’s a once-a-year event! I know I could go on the second day but it wouldn’t be any fun. Besides, I just found out they’re doing an OTP Cosplay event on the first day. ONE TRUE PAIRING FUCKING COSPLAY. I must see them! I TRULY MUST! I promise I won’t skip classes ever again after this, even when I’m ill. I just have to go there this Saturday.

Which will give rise to another problem.

CF starts around 10 a.m. and I’m pretty sure if we’re lucky enough, we will be there around that time. We’ll probably hang around KLCC until 5 p.m. but to return to Puncak Alam from KLCC would take quite some time and I need to be at Palam (short for Puncak Alam, btw) before 7.30 because UITM Got Talent will be starting at that time. I can’t go home earlier than 5 because the OTP Cosplay only starts at 4. I only wish things will go as planned. Oh dear God, I beg thee to smoothen matters for me this Saturday for You are the only one who can do that! >.< I think the competition will start exactly after I reach Palam that day, so I’ll need to wear the clothes for it right from the start. I still need to think of a song to sing! >.<

And lastly, fan girling when you are sick is seriously not a good idea. I just watched “No. 6” until the episode where Shion kissed Nezumi and I fan girled too hard, I actually couldn’t breathe afterwards because of my blocked nose. My chest hurt so much and I suddenly got a headache and everything swirled for a while. Geez. Not a good experience, I tell you. 

Anyway, my 2nd semester just started. It’s a pretty good feeling considering that I get to meet my friends again. This also means another 6 months of complete exhaustion with all those mountain stairs climbing. Not just that though, it’ll be one heck of a semester since I’ve told myself that I’d completely commit myself to getting 4 flat this time around. This proves to be such a difficult task cause I’m already struggling throughout the first week with my Physics. God, why does it always have to be Physics?

Through this whole week, it’s been tiring like shit. After not taking the stairs for almost a month and a half, my body had turned like jelly and this only made matters worse. The first day was just bloody energy-consuming. In fact, I didn’t know that my lab class was cancelled, so I had gone down to the faculty, only to find a notice saying there won’t be any lab and tutorials for the week. I was already cursing cause I woke up late that day and was rushing the hell up. It really pissed me off. But I guess there was a reason for it; remember the classmate guy I told about, the one who’s random and so good in English and plays Shadow Hearts? Well, he was there too, so I guess I wasn’t the only one who didn’t know and we went home together. I mean, it wasn’t just us cause right after that, we found another classmate who’s also a guy and both of them had breakfast together. I was just sitting at the table beside them, eating Oat Crunch. I was still pissed at the moment, so breakfast wasn’t really the thing that could calm me down. After they’re done, we’d climbed the stairs together and along the way, the guy, which I best mention his name now since I’d probably mention him a lot in the future, named Amir, asked me about emulators. He probably had a hint ever since he noticed something in my laptop about Shadow Hearts while I was using it during a gap before my next class last semester. In the end, we traded our games; I gave him Koudelka and he gave me Grandia, Tales Of Destiny, Vagrant Story and another 3 which I haven’t checked out yet. And since then, we started talking like, really talking.

I had the most random partner for my CTU assignment, Physics lab and BEL group. This guy, who happened to be that other classmate I mentioned in the last paragraph, Aizzul, is like the funniest guy in my class. I mean, I don’t mind having him as a partner but each time we had to assign groups, he just had to be somewhere in mine. It was probably coincidental but that makes it thrice, so what the hell is this coincidence? What’s worst, I’m the only girl in my BEL group. I’ll most probably get bullied and it must be hard as hell to manage all of the guys. Heck, how am I going to do this?

Speaking of BEL, I love my lecturer for this semester. Madam Lizana (She reminded me of Lisanna from Fairy Tail cause of her name) came from an art background, so whatever sprouts from her mouth are just wonderful. And I’m not being sarcastic because she swears in class and she talks about sex sometimes which is not like dirty sex talk, but more like an educational sex talk, which are just funny. She’s so different than most of my lecturers, scratch that, she’s like the most unique lecturer I’ve ever had. She loves to make cynical jokes and she pretty much had nothing against homosexuals (This also means gay jokes, HURRDURR) in my analysis, that is. But unfortunately, she hates science students. The first day of our lecture, she actually said “shoot” when she knew we were science students. It wasn’t really offensive and most of us just laughed it off but the thought kinda made me feel disappointed. I mean, I’m a science student but I love art just as much as she does, so she’s being kinda prejudice. Anyway, it doesn’t really matter since she won’t be noticing me anyway. It’s not like I’m waiting for some kind of acknowledgement from her.

Last weekend was spent by loitering around Sunway Pyramid. The initial plan was to watch Puss In Boots but tickets sold out and seats left were the ones at the front rows, so it wasn’t worth it. I went there with Mumtaz, Syesye and another 2 friends of Mumtaz who I wasn’t really attached to. I was gonna ask Alya too but she went home to Shah Alam, so I didn’t even had the chance to say it. After some decisive reasons, we cancelled our plan and just hang around Sunway. We had KFC, then we watched the people on the ice rink and took some pictures of this Christmas display at the centre hall before we split up; me with Syesye and Mumtaz with her friends. They wanted to go to PKNS but Syesye and me stayed. First, we had gone to Comic Paradise and gosh, we took about an hour and probably more just to cover everything in the shop. Looking at action figures just stirred our excitement. Next, we stopped by Popular and I shit you not, we found so many fangirl-worth stuff! There was like this enormous amount of anime at the entrance and we took almost like two hours just to pick up an anime we could buy. I was having the dilemma of choosing either Card Captor Sakura or Rave Master; I ended up with Card Captor Sakura though. Syesye was the one who bought Rave Master. We also found a few merchandise like mugs, files and paper bags with anime illustrations (I wanted to buy that one Kuroshitsuji mug) and we just fangirled like hell. Not to mention that we found some yaoi anime as well. It was just too… mind numbing. Lol. After that, we made a detour to Anime Tech and OH MY GOD I FOUND TWO SHADOW HEARTS SOUNDTRACK CDS. I swear I’m gonna buy them the next time I went to Sunway. I didn’t buy it right away cause I had spent RM60+ and that’s already too much shopping for me. I’m still trying to save since my dad only gave me enough money for three weeks. I also need to save for Comic Fiesta.

Oh! For this year’s CF, I’m still uncertain if I could make it or not. Apparently, some of my classes are replaced on Saturdays, so I’m afraid if there will be classes on CF day. I seriously want to go, but I don’t want to cut classes too. I might actually do that though, depending on how many class I have on that day. If I have one class, I might as well just go to CF. If there are two, I would only go for the first class and if there are three, I might consider going on the second day. I just hope I’d make it. Alya’s not joining me this year though. :( This year’s CF will be Syesye’s first experience and she’s also gambling; she’s facing the same problem as me too. I actually don’t want to go on the second day, even if I could. It’s because stuff are usually sold out on the first day, so the second only sells leftovers and I wouldn’t like that. It’s also because I would meet my DA friends there, like Yukina and Lewnett (A guy I’m really close with in DA, he’s a junior) and I wanna get together with Piqah. *sigh* It’s all too hazy for now, so I’ll tell when the time comes.

Where were we? Oh, Anime Tech. Yeah. So after a while, we head back home and we managed to get our buses without having to wait so much. We got home at around 7 p.m which didn’t violate my dad’s be-home-before-7 principle. So everything was good. :D

I think the food they sell at my college is contaminated or not well done. Just recently, I had this agonizing stomach ache and I swear to God, it felt like period pain. I was on the verge of crying and my back hurts so much, I could die. I couldn’t even stand up straight. God knows how cranky I was that time. From now on, I’m gonna stop eating anything spicy (I assume they didn’t cook their chilli long enough) and will start buying food that are packed. It’s better to be safe than sorry, no?

I got so many requests to be done. And two commissions. .___. Sheesh, I shouldn’t have promised anyone. I have like 5 requests. I’ve just finished a birthday gift about two days ago; it was for Nasquin, Naz’s older sister. I was just feeling generous and asked her if she wanted me to draw something for her birthday but I didn’t know she was going to ask a lot. This was what I managed to draw for her:

She loved the outcome, even though there were so many flaws in it. .___. The blond guy is her Own Character named Kyoto, by the way. The others are from fandoms and I’m pretty sure you can tell which is which if you have a wee bit otaku self in you.

I also drew another birthday present for Syesye! It seems that I’ve been making a lot of birthday presents this year. Syesye’s birthday was on 21^st of November and she said she wanted an IchiRuki pairing fanart. Here’s what I made:

I’m kinda satisfied with this one but there’s definitely something off with Rukia’s body. The white outline around them was also a flaw but I didn’t know how to color them over without ruining Ichigo and Rukia, so I left it like that. Syesye was also happy with it, so I guess that’ll do.

As of the other unfinished requests, I will try and make time to get it done. So far I have:

-          - A Levy x Gajeel ; Fairy Tail fanart for my brother (I plan on making it a birthday present as well since his birthday is on this 8^th)

-          - A Merien x Aelexsender picture; original characters made by a DA friend.

-          - A Roxas x Namine; Kingdom Hearts fanart for another DA friend.

-          - An Alice; Shadow Hearts fanart for another DA friend who helped me configure my PS1 emulator.

-          - A Roxas, Namine and Will (OC); Kingdom Hearts fanart for Naz (This is another birthday gift)

The other two commissions are for Razleen and Shikin.

So there. That’s a lot, ne? I wonder if I could get it all done in the near future especially the commissions and the birthday present. :/

Yesterday, I finished three tutorials for Chemistry, Biology and Mathematics. What a pain. I slept at 3 something and I woke up at 6. Just imagine how I endured my lectures this morning. Around 1.40 p.m, my dad picked me up. The reason? Well, my dad’s company usually had this annual award event where they acknowledge workers who served the company for 10 years and above. They also give out awards to the employee’s children if they get excellent results for UPSR, PMR or SPM. I was one of the SPM award holders. It took about two hours to get to KL due to traffic jam and lucky, the event had a slight delay. When I got there, everything went smoothly and the food was good.

Except for the part where I’m not getting the money.

You see, the award holders are given money and I was supposed to get RM500. The thing is, my stepmom just had to butt in and told me that all the money are going into the bank. What the hell. I mean, it’s good but it’s so devastating. :(

Oh! The venue where we had the ceremony was at Hotel Istana, KL and gosh, they have the nicest toilet ever. Lol. I didn’t take a picture of it though but here’s some of the things that caught my attention:

The chandelier thing looked way grander.

This is supposed to be an ice sculpture. I even touched it. So cold~

Well, yeah. My sister’s face is so funny.

Ah! These are the cupcakes they served there! It's so cute! >w<

And well, here’s a latest picture of the flower bouquet that I have in my room. Lol.

Yeah, it’s the bouquet from last semester.

Hey, you guys. It’s me again. Well, of course it’s me.

I’m just gonna blurt out anything that comes to my mind right now, which mostly consists of the fact that my grandma is sick and I’m just flat broke.

A couple of weeks ago, my grandma came home, with a cane. She never used a cane, ever, so it’s not a normal thing to see her like that. She hardly walked that day, — night, to be precise.  I helped her out from her car to the house. It was a long walk considering that we had to take the elevator to the sixth floor. We were moving in this long slow motion because her hips ached too much, she was practically tearing up. I guess it’s all signs of her aging. She’d been this strong and hardworking lady even for her age; no doubt she’s in this kind of state. It’s normal for people like her, but still, she’d been so strong, it just didn’t look right.

The doctor said she has these stones in her kidneys; gall stones, right? Yeah, well, she’s having them. And I think she mentioned something about her diluted blood that’s been causing her headaches and such. My dad and some other people asked her to go to the public hospital but she insisted to go to a clinic. She said the public ones are slow to get results and she hated waiting, so we went to search a clinic that has at least an X-Ray scan. Much to our dismay, most of the clinics around our area were closed and didn’t have the proper utilities. Even if they do, the doctors who are specialized in it were absent. So in the end, she resolved to seek traditional treatment. I didn’t watch her being treated but somehow they managed to let out some stones from her body. She’s feeling better but sometimes she’d complained of her pain here and there.

So yeah, even though looking after an old person is difficult, I just had to do it. And sometimes I get annoyed and tired of watching over her but I’m in no position to leave my responsibility. She’s my grandma, and she’d worked her ass off trying to raise me up to who I am now. Anyway, my semester break is about to be over and I noticed I haven’t go out much in the meantime. I did go to Alya’s and Razleen’s house but it was only once or twice. And I did go to Amelia’s house; she’s my junior, but it was awkward because we’ve never really talked IRL. We’ve only talked through Face Book and some occasional face to face experience but it was brief. Well, I bothered to come to her house because she said she wanted to get Paint Tool SAI from me and some lessons on Photoshop. It was cool; we talked about some fandoms and I persuaded her into reading Kuroshitsuji, notice I said “reading” and not “watching”, yes, I’m referring to the manga, thank you very much, the anime sucked, and also some random yaoi mentions. And I also did hang out with Iman that one day but I was expecting to meet her again. Also, none of those things I did involve going to big places, like Sunway Pyramid or KLCC. I want to hang out with my friends, in a big group and going to big places, like Sunway Pyramid or KLCC. L

But of course, even if I can, I couldn’t because again, I AM FUCKING BROKE.

Seriously, where did all my money go? Well, I know where they went but I’m referring to those people who borrowed them. I mean, can’t they pay up even a small portion of it? I know they’re in trouble and I know they’re very close to me (closer than you think) but that’s what I hate about it. They tend to pretend as if I don’t need it. I’m broke as hell, like, to the point where I don’t even possess a cent. Oh wait, that commission I made for Alya left me with RM16, but I lost RM10 from that amount, so now I only have RM6. JUST THAT. Asdfghjkl. Sometimes I feel like there’s a toyol living in my house. :/ Oh Lord, punish that person who stole my RM10. I suspect a person, by the way.

So like, yeah, the commission thing isn’t going very well. So far, I’ve only got two customers and they’re both my friends. I’ve looked around DA, and it seems the same problem is happening to the other commissioners. I think people are having some kind of financial problems. I don’t know how else I’m going to get money for the time being. Asking from my dad is a pain in the ass, both for me and my dad. My dad will most probably give me something less than what I want, sometimes none, and I don’t want to trouble my dad either. He’s given me too much, so I don’t want to add it up. And sometimes money can go missing around my house, except when you keep it hidden somewhere safe. Wallet is not an option. Jeez, if I count my remaining money from my KTP savings after semester 1, I should have around RM900 left. I WANT THEM BACK PLEASEEEEEEE D’:

Speaking of which, I had to lie to her and her about my semester 2 incomes. I’m supposed to get my income from KTP but if I told them that, I’m sure they’ll borrow more from me. So I lied to them that I won’t be getting anymore from KTP and that my dad will support me fully. I feel bad and scared about it; bad because I lied, scared because they might find out, but I have to think about myself. Yes, it’s selfish but even my dad forbad me from giving them anything. And it IS my money; I’m the one who has to pay for it when I’m done studying. And I was in a fix during the last couple of week of semester 1, penniless because I used up my savings for them. It’s only rational that I lied because I couldn’t tell them I’m tired of it, it’d surely stir up some misunderstanding. I just want my life to be less troublesome, is it too hard to ask?

Anyway, my semester 1’s result came out recently. Alhamdullilah, I was satisfied with it. In fact, it was quite unbelievable, seeing as to how I keep playing around and dozing off during lectures. I’m in Dean’s List, even! What the hell. I didn’t get 4 flat though but come on, 3.74? That’s a good start! But I won’t underestimate Semester 2. I was struggling hard during study week last time; took caffeine and only slept when dawn’s about to break, I even—Well, only Mumtaz and Alya know what happened back then. But yeah, I had gotten rid of a lot of disturbance during that study week and I even cried after doing Maths because it was hard. This time around, I’m going to avoid all those complications. I’m gonna start good. Yes. Amin.

So like, Evani asked me out to karaoke tomorrow. I wanted to go so badly but I know I can’t. It’s just that, the house. My grandma. Money. These matters didn’t allow me to do that. I’m so disheartened. Well, I’m so fucking disappointed. I can make a live OTL right about now, really. *sigh*

Oh, I’m also drawing a comic currently. Remember I said I’m gonna continue my KH doujin? Well, screw that, things didn’t turn out well. In fact, I’ve started a new thing! It’s not a doujin, not even my own ideas, to begin with. I’m drawing a comic based purely on a PS1 game; Koudelka! :D I’ve just installed a PS1 emulator in my laptop, I played Koudelka with it for four or five days, and it was AWESOME. And it had 12 hours of gameplay, so it’s not that long. I wanted to illustrate it into a comic! I’ve already submitted a few pages in DA, so if you’re interested, here’s the link. It’s in low quality though; I wouldn’t want to be sued for copyright infringement. But hey, it’s a comic alright! And I’m gonna finish it this time! >:D

I’m still trying to configure my PS2 emulator. I think I need to download some missing plugins cause I can’t play my old PS2 CD games using the emulator. It should be able to, but it’s not. :/

Well, that’s it for now, I guess. Till then! :D